I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
No subtext here. People are naked.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
