biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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