My balls are so social today.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Dicks are not precious.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
