I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
