When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
