i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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