Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
