Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
