found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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