Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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