I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
