I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
