Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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