Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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