headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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