Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
