you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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