I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
