So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It's shark week go big or go home
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize