Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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