you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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