I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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