So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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