we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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