you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize