do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
