it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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