i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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