he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
A bitchslap is in order.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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