you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
