just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
