just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
