I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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