God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
