Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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