my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize