i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
