we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
