where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
zippers are such a cool invention
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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