i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Last time i carry you out of a forest
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
