no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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