So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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