normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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