he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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