i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
