So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
