when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
