I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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