Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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