so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Damn victory sex feels great
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
