Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
