booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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