I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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