I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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