The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
