Dude my mom stole all your condoms
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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