whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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