OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
