if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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