I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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