No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Operation Purity has been aborted
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
